This word become has messed with me. I mean really, in other years my word for the year has been all sweet and grace filled. But, become has already gotten all up in my business.
Case in point. This quote by Jennie Allen in the book, *“Anything” has stopped me in my becoming tracks:
“How does anyone ever make everyone happy…was I the only one torn like this? In love with God but eagerly serving everyone but Him.” from chapter Giant People: Abandoning Approval
Does this quote wreck you, too? Let me tell you what has been swirling in my head since I read it.
While I’m busy trying to make everyone happy and becoming what they want me to become, where is God? Does my heart long to make Him happy? Do all the other voices drown His out?
I am a card carrying people approval addict, I admit this. Others in my life will tell you the same. I have trouble saying…no. My biggest fear is failure, “What will they think of me?” I flee conflict because that involves uncomfortable conversations with people and I will not rock the boat…ever.
To be honest, this is one reason “Hope for the Weary Mom” was such a risk for me. The whole “I have this mom thing figured out” has been shattered.” I still cringe when I read some of my own words that others now carry with them. I feel exposed. I’m learning to live in this place, though it is a bit like that dream form Jr. High when I show up unprepared for a math test with nothing on but my leg warmers.
So, I realized this week that becoming may mean (un)becoming a few things. I may need to let go of what I’ve become for other people in order to become what God wants for me. Now do you see how become has messed with my business this week?
Jennie goes on to say, like she is actually living inside my head or something:
“It is only God who moves my heart. He chases me down and lures me back to him: while I am running to everyone else, he runs after me.”
So, like a child in a game of hide and seek, I’m caught. He has chased me down and His voice is calling me back home. I know in my heart that this is not a bad thing. I can see the final picture though it is a blurred image with the details not quite sketched in place.
If you need me, this is where I’ll be: (un)becoming so I can become.
xo,
Stacey
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“One of the most powerful weapons you have to fight for your dreams is the word “no.” Is it hard for you to say “no,” sometimes–especially to good things–so you can say “yes” to the best.” – Holley Gerth
{adding this post to the God Sized Dream Link Up today}
